This mission that God laid on my heart two and a half years ago has not always felt like a blessing.
THERE! I said it! And I feel relieved to have that off my chest!
I honestly don’t know how it is done?! Is there a book I should have read? What have I missed? I am talking about the balance between building a ministry from the ground up while still making time to maintain a household, love a family and most importantly be with God.
My personal struggles with balance have been really difficult. Hard roads to hoe. My marriage has been rocked by this ministry and the time it takes away from relationship with my husband. My house is a mess! I hired a housekeeper for the first time in my life! I haven’t spent time with my kids or extended family except in unfocussed spurts, where I am trying to multitask wherever I can to maintain the illusion that I am staying abreast of the needs of the organization. I feel like I have let down my family in ways I can’t even explain - by doing God’s work – and occasionally it feels like I use THAT “God’s Work” as the justification to neglect my duties as wife, mother, caretaker of the household. And if I were to be fully honest, sometimes I use Seeds of Grace as an escape – to get away from the conflict of every day life.
So, now that I have whined, complained and effectively showed you my weakness in what I don’t know – let me tell you what I DO know:
- · I know that when God speaks to me and I listen and obey, great things happen
§ Conversely – the opposite happens when I don’t listen and obey
- · I know that the blessings we receive come in MANY forms
§ Volunteers, donations of materials, financial support, prayer support
- · I know that if I am not in prayer and communicate with God daily, I am blind to my own weakness – and even admitting this to you I have to be accountable about falling down on that requirement – I don’t make the time to sit quietly with God daily
§ Is it a sin to actually have to write it into my calendar so that it happens?
- · I know that God answers prayers and that I need to be specific in my prayer – nebulousness doesn’t really give me clarity
- · Making lists of our needs as an organization AND my needs as an individual would be helpful
§ Don’t fear the list – it can be as validating as it is overwhelming
- · I know that I have a whole team of cheerleaders, who not only seek to behold the success of Seeds of Grace, but who also see me walking through this personal growth and encourage me in it.
§ Receiving that encouragement will help me grow – a self-perpetuating cycle
- · I know that I require a lot of people with a lot more knowledge than me in order to not only maintain the momentum that we have enjoyed thus far, but to grow even more exponentially than we have over the last two years.
§ We are actively recruiting board and committee members who have the expertise and knowledge in the areas that we need strength
All of this learning comes from struggles that I have walked through since the inception of this ministry. Now, it may coincide with the process of growth as a Christian – that’s life, right? But that’s the balance I seek.
My desire for the success of Seeds of Grace is great! I love the mission God has me on. I don’t imagine NOT being a part of its existence for the rest of my life. I mean, I know that eventually I will be replaced as the Executive Director, as Seeds of Grace may mature into an organization in the not for profit world that is beyond my expertise – and I pray for that… With all my heart, I pray for that level of success for Seeds of Grace - Because it means that not only are countless children and needy families are being fed, but also, my wish to simply be able to dig in the dirt will be fulfilled.
AND we are successful - much more so than I had EVER dreamed even now, only a short time into the mission. I could go through and make a list of everything that we have accomplished, but the truth is, the most important thing that we have done is build and maintain partnerships locally and globally - there won't ever be a limit on those partnerships.
In the meantime, I will continue to reach out to you, our community all-inclusive of my church, friends and most importantly my family – seeking your patience with me as I grow. I will continue asking for help, as God’s directive to Dream Big Ask Bold is clearly a guidepost for me in my role as Executive Director. And I will continue being transparent with YOU, our support system about where we are, how we are doing and what we need.
Right now, that need is for people with a desire to see the hungry fed in our community and beyond – Seeds of Grace is seeking board members who can lead us into the next season of growth in a healthy way. If you would like more information on becoming a board member for Seeds of Grace, please click HERE where you can also apply. Our board meets the first Tuesday of every month, and you are welcome to attend, bringing your questions there as well! Please see the upcoming events section below.